FUNCTION IN DISFUNCTION

Gave it my all.

I am going to start using this to write. I can’t write much of my feeling anywhere else and writing for me releases a lot of stress. So I just had a great breakfast. Woke up at 8:30am today. It felt nice. Throughout the last year I have gone through A LOT! I ended an almost 4 year on and off relationship with someone I cared a ton for. I also stopped seeing someone I had so many things in common with during my 6 months break from my ex and I even though I could see great potential, I had this one “what if” question pop into my head one too many times about my ex, so I went back, and then I started getting “what ifs” pop into my head about the other person. What a migraine. So I ended my relatioship. It wasn’t right to be with someone if I always had these questions in my head… Through this experience, I have realized that perhaps… I should just need to concentrate on myself. I don’t think I am ready for anything right now. Perhaps I am being indecisive because I need to know myself a little better and figure out what I want. And that’s what I am going to do. Something I haven’t done ever. Unfortunately, I happened to meet a wonderful guy presently…but I know I am not ready for anything. I’ve been honest with him and I told him I need time for me. He understands. I am amazed because last time I asked for this from the person during the initial 6 month break, that person was selfish and did not give me my time. Perhaps that’s why it made things easier to cut things off with him. With this said: My goals this year are to keep working out, eat healthy, do my bartending school in November… apply to go back to school, try to get a bartending gig on my days off and at night… do it for about 6 months and see if I like it. The thing is, I want to be an attorney or stay in law. And I am going  to do it. I just have to stop worrying about everyone else and just concentrate on myself. Ah. I feel so much better.